The Dangers of Caring Too Much

Shifting some responsibilities may empower your loved one and strengthen your relationship.

By Aimee Swartz

It feels natural to step in when I can make life easier for my partner, Jackie, who has multiple myeloma. But one thing I’ve learned in the six years Jackie and I have been together is that taking on too much responsibility can backfire, ultimately causing us both more harm than good.

At times, Jackie has been so sick or sidelined with pain that she has needed my help with everything, from making her morning oatmeal to tying her sneakers. In those times, by necessity, I do what I can. But more often, she can take care of her own needs and responsibilities. That’s when I need to step back. My habit of intervening, what I call overcaring, can weaken Jackie’s sense of independence. It can also sap my own energy, which can lead to irritability, stress, resentment and caregiver burnout.

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