Using some simple reminders that life is still happening can help put cancer anxiety and fear back where they belong.
PUBLISHED February 23, 2018
Martha lives in Illinois and was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in January 2015. She has a husband and three children, ranging in age from 12 to 18, a dog and a lizard.
It happens every time I meet another person with metastatic breast cancer: I am reminded that no matter how long you've been living with disease, whether well short of the 36-month median life expectancy to years past it, there is relentless stress and a sense of loss. For me, at three years since diagnosis, anxiety and loss are at a steady near-boil level.
I recently met a woman who was diagnosed with metastatic disease five years ago. When she commented that it's hard living with cancer, I recognized her painful and sad expression. Like so many of us, cancer had forced her to give up aspects of her life that had given it meaning and value. Living with that kind of constant loss is hard. You're not living the life you had, often your body feels unfamiliar, and your mind can play tricks on you - follow the sadness far enough and hopelessness creeps in, even when treatments are going well. Sadness and hopelessness are tricky because when someone - your partner, a good friend - tries to cheer you up, those emotions can cause further emotional retreat, since it reinforces the idea that no one really understands what you're going through. At least, that's how it is for me.
I recently met a woman who was diagnosed with metastatic disease five years ago. When she commented that it's hard living with cancer, I recognized her painful and sad expression. Like so many of us, cancer had forced her to give up aspects of her life that had given it meaning and value. Living with that kind of constant loss is hard. You're not living the life you had, often your body feels unfamiliar, and your mind can play tricks on you - follow the sadness far enough and hopelessness creeps in, even when treatments are going well. Sadness and hopelessness are tricky because when someone - your partner, a good friend - tries to cheer you up, those emotions can cause further emotional retreat, since it reinforces the idea that no one really understands what you're going through. At least, that's how it is for me.
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