Why does shame seem to go along with a cancer diagnosis, and how can we help each other?
BY Barbara Tako
PUBLISHED April 18, 2018
Barbara Tako is a breast cancer survivor (2010), melanoma survivor (2014) and author of Cancer Survivorship Coping Tools–We'll Get You Through This. She is a cancer coping advocate, speaker and published writer for television, radio and other venues across the country. She lives, survives, and thrives in Minnesota with her husband, children and dog. See more at www.cancersurvivorshipcopingtools.com, or www.clutterclearingchoices.com.
I have never really liked the idea of comparing cancer to a battle or thinking of myself as a soldier or a warrior. Cancer is a disease, not a battle or a war. Still, after breast cancer and melanoma and all the physical scars and body trauma from these cancers that I accumulated and continue to accumulate, I start to think about the term warrior a bit more – a scarred warrior.
If I am a warrior, I like the idea of living life courageously and surviving wounds that have left their mark on me. When I get to the end of life, I don't want to arrive pristine! I want to get there with bumps, dents, scars and a smile of gratitude that says, "Thank you, it was so worth all of it!" At the same time, I still struggle with cancer shame. Shame? Warrior shame?
If I am a warrior, I like the idea of living life courageously and surviving wounds that have left their mark on me. When I get to the end of life, I don't want to arrive pristine! I want to get there with bumps, dents, scars and a smile of gratitude that says, "Thank you, it was so worth all of it!" At the same time, I still struggle with cancer shame. Shame? Warrior shame?
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