See You in My Dreams

I found my husband there in the dream. He was alive. He was healthy. He could talk again.

BY Andrea Remke

PUBLISHED April 12, 2018

Andrea Remke lives in Northern Kentucky. She has a degree in communications and journalism from Saint Mary's College, South Bend, Ind. Her husband died in 2017 after a battle with aggressive tongue cancer that spread to his lungs. She is finding her way as a newly-widowed mother of an 11-year-old, twin 8-year-olds, and a 5-year-old. She is a freelance writer at kymomtotwinsandmore.com. Find her at Facebook and on Twitter.

I had a good dream last night. I'm surprised I even remember it because I never seem to sleep well enough to even dream most nights anymore.

I found my husband there in the dream. He was alive. He was healthy. He could talk again. We were in some sort of warehouse or empty place. He was on a dock surrounded by water and he was talking to me, but I don't know about what. I was only listening to the sound of his voice and the expressions on his face. He was smiling.

I hadn't seen that smile in so long. I was hugging him, and I wouldn't let go. I felt his strong arms around me again and I know I was breathless — silly, I know, because it was a dream, but it felt possible. Cancer wasn't here this night. Cancer hadn't touched him. It hadn't taken anything yet, his speech, his smile, his body and strength. I was yelling, “hello!” and asking if he was OK, was everything OK? I can't remember if he answered me, I only remember the hellos and the hugging.

This is one of those dreams that you absolutely don't want to wake up from.