Tuesday, May 1, 2018

My Dirty Little Secret: I Am a Bad Sport and My Mastectomy Still Hurts

Breast cancer survivor tries to decide if she is spoiled and ungrateful or, if like many cancer survivors, she just needs a little safety valve to blow off steam.


PUBLISHED May 01, 2018

Barbara Tako is a breast cancer survivor (2010), melanoma survivor (2014) and author of Cancer Survivorship Coping Tools–We'll Get You Through This. She is a cancer coping advocate, speaker and published writer for television, radio and other venues across the country. She lives, survives, and thrives in Minnesota with her husband, children and dog. See more at 
www.cancersurvivorshipcopingtools.com,  or www.clutterclearingchoices.com.


Pain. Pain. Pain and more pain. I am frightened by moments where I want to rip out my tissue expanders and just quit. That thought is my safety valve – my little emergency exit, my dirty little secret, and I hold it close these days. I have read that many women struggle with pain after a mastectomy! Why can't we manage this better? My husband notices tears in my eyes almost daily and wonders why.

It is now more than 18 days after my double mastectomy with reconstruction, and I still have lots of pain, physical and emotional. Every once in a while, I can get into a position for a short period of time that doesn't hurt if I don't move and if I don't take too deep of a breath. At that point, another part of my body gets sore and stiff, so that when I adjust to reduce the soreness, the attempt to move just starts pain all over again.


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