I know that once you are a cancer survivor, you're always a cancer survivor, but will that sinking feeling of no control ever go away?
BY KATE BELAND
PUBLISHED AUGUST 30, 2018
Kate Beland does not believe that cancer defines her. She is an athlete, a marathoner, a mother, a wife and a writer. When she is not conducting her three-ring circus act, she is busy kicking late stage melanoma's butt and keeping herself sane through her writing and running: https://www.facebook.com/runningandcancer/ or www.runliftbreathe.blogspot.com
I've been in a weird kind of funk the past couple of weeks, and it seems to be coming to an all-time high right now. It is beginning to feel like each week I have been hit with another piece of bad news in the world of cancer. I've been living my life to the best that I can every 89 days until the next blood work and scans, and I really don't even think about cancer – like ever – until this past month.
I have been watching people lose their loved ones to this beast. I have watched more people like me, healthy and fit, get diagnosed with various types of cancer. I have friends still under treatment that is like a slave to the worst of all masters. And I have friends who are fighting the good fight, but keep receiving bad outcome after bad outcome.
It has started to wear me down. It is making it increasingly difficult to fake it until I make it, or my new mantra, fake it until I become it. I thought I had become it – that strong warrior who shut the door. But lately, I feel like I've been held hostage, had all my defenses stripped. It's trying to break down the door.
I have been watching people lose their loved ones to this beast. I have watched more people like me, healthy and fit, get diagnosed with various types of cancer. I have friends still under treatment that is like a slave to the worst of all masters. And I have friends who are fighting the good fight, but keep receiving bad outcome after bad outcome.
It has started to wear me down. It is making it increasingly difficult to fake it until I make it, or my new mantra, fake it until I become it. I thought I had become it – that strong warrior who shut the door. But lately, I feel like I've been held hostage, had all my defenses stripped. It's trying to break down the door.
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