Emotions are not an either/or proposition when it comes to metastatic cancer.
PUBLISHED DECEMBER 04, 2018
Martha lives in Illinois and was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in January 2015. She has a husband and three children, ranging in age from 12 to 18, a dog and a lizard.
A lot is written at the end of the year to remind us about what matters most in life: gratitude, family, new beginnings, hope, love. These reminders appear in earnest starting in November and continue throughout the holiday season, only to fade away usually by mid-January, when we remember how hard it is to keep up with the plans and resolutions made in moments of euphoria.
Among my least favorite lessons shared on social media at this time of year is the idea that I, as a person with cancer, should be grateful to the very disease that is the likely to kill me, has already killed friends and is in the active process of doing just that to others. That somehow I am a better person with cancer than without, and if I'm not, then maybe I'm doing cancer wrong. I am a different person, sure, but I'm not better, and I wouldn't tell the person with diabetes or who had a stroke to put a positive spin on those life-changing health events. In truth, I tend to just pass on by that kind of thinking whenever it shows up – to each his or her own – but this "bright-siding" can have the terrible effect of causing people who are already struggling with the very real and serious implications of cancer to think their feelings aren't normal and encourages denial of pain, fear, and loss, which are emotions that people feel during the holidays even without the shadow of life-threatening disease.
Among my least favorite lessons shared on social media at this time of year is the idea that I, as a person with cancer, should be grateful to the very disease that is the likely to kill me, has already killed friends and is in the active process of doing just that to others. That somehow I am a better person with cancer than without, and if I'm not, then maybe I'm doing cancer wrong. I am a different person, sure, but I'm not better, and I wouldn't tell the person with diabetes or who had a stroke to put a positive spin on those life-changing health events. In truth, I tend to just pass on by that kind of thinking whenever it shows up – to each his or her own – but this "bright-siding" can have the terrible effect of causing people who are already struggling with the very real and serious implications of cancer to think their feelings aren't normal and encourages denial of pain, fear, and loss, which are emotions that people feel during the holidays even without the shadow of life-threatening disease.
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