There Must Be Some Mistake

A five-year lesson in cancer, worry and hope.

BY Gregory Carroll

PUBLISHED February 11, 2019

As a psychologist specializing in clinician-patient communication, Greg has worn a few hats: university professor, associate dean, foundation executive and independent consultant. Diagnosed in January 2014 with high-grade carcinoma of the head and neck, he underwent extensive surgery, chemotherapy and radiation treatment over the next five months. He and his wife Suzanne reside in Connecticut and are profoundly grateful to all the oncology professionals, staff and survivors who treat and support them.

Tumor cells fester silently beneath layers of nerves, muscle and bone. Stealthy, destructive and unchallenged, they pose as healthy cells while living the dream.  Expanding inward, the mass grows quietly, deftly, like an insurgent camp inside my head. Eventually a few telltales appear: a strange itch and dull pain in one ear, a swollen neck gland and difficulty opening my jaw.  These get the attention of specialists who say I have a common joint disease in the jaw. 

For the next 18 months I follow their regimens of physical therapy, herbs, exercises, diet, and an oral orthotic device.  The pain gradually gets worse.  The jaw opening narrows further.  The inner itch continues.  As time wears on and frustrations grow, my emotions keep saying, “There must be some mistake.”

I then have an abrupt loss of hearing over the course of several weeks.  An office exam reveals visible signs of a mass right in the ear canal.  This is serious—and scary.  MRI scans, tests and biopsies confirm a high-grade carcinoma that accounts for all of my symptoms.  Rare, fast growing, and highly invasive, it is a longshot for treatment but is too deadly to leave alone.

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