Wednesday, August 14, 2019

'How Do You Really Feel?': A Question to Ask Cancer Survivors

A survivor makes some suggestions on how to approach people battling a loss or serious illness.


PUBLISHED August 13, 2019

Jane has earned three advanced degrees and had several fulfilling careers as a librarian, rehabilitation counselor and college teacher. Presently she does freelance writing. Her articles include the subjects of hearing loss and deafness, service dogs and struggling with cancer. She has been a cancer survivor since 2010.

She has myelodysplastic syndrome, which is rare, and would love to communicate with others who have MDS.
I learned a long time ago whenever someone had a tragedy happen – such as a loss of a loved one – to say less rather than more. A platitude like “This is God’s will,” or “There is a reason for everything that happens,” is just not what the person needs to hear. I am even careful about saying; “It will be OK.” What if it is not?
  
“I am here for you and will talk whenever you are ready,” seems to help. “How can I help, or what do you need?” is another positive thing to say.
   
After a friend was recently diagnosed with the dreaded “C-word” and said on social media how angry she was, I told her she had every right to be angry. She has spent years taking care of a sick husband and now she is ill. She should be angry at this insidious horrible disease. And anger does keep us going and determined to fight! I told her I was here when she is ready to talk about it.




    

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