Surviving Survivor

Cancer causes people to experience a wide range of emotions, even long after completing treatment. Among the most common is survivor’s guilt. Learning to understand this phenomenon can allow survivors to exchange their guilt for gratitude.

BY Bonnie Annis

PUBLISHED August 08, 2019

Bonnie Annis is a breast cancer survivor, diagnosed in 2014 with stage 2b invasive ductal carcinoma with metastasis to the lymph nodes. She is an avid photographer, freelance writer/blogger, wife, mother and grandmother.

Recently, I lost another friend to breast cancer. Although I knew her death was imminent, I was unprepared for the news when it arrived. My first response was disbelief. Doing my best to process her daughter’s words, I tried to accept them, but it was difficult. My friend had just started a new treatment regimen. We were hopeful it was going to work. She’d been feeling better. Although I was thankful her suffering was finally over, it just didn’t make sense. And if felt so unfair.

When we’d first met, this friend and I discovered we had a lot in common. We shared the same diagnosis, the same stage of cancer and the same grade of tumor. Our cancers were also fed by the same hormones. We shared other commonalities that were unrelated to health, too. We were the same age, had the same number of children and enjoyed the same types of hobbies.

After initial treatment for breast cancer, both my friend and I opted against chemotherapy, so we chose to explore natural treatment options, instead. By choosing alternative therapies, we’d hoped for long lives devoid of the problematic side effects we'd experienced during our rounds of radiation and as we'd tried antihormonal therapy.

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