No Instruction Manual to Emotionally Cope With a Double Mastectomy

Two-time cancer survivor works through her feelings as her double mastectomy approaches.

BY Barbara Tako

PUBLISHED April 06, 2018

Barbara Tako is a breast cancer survivor (2010), melanoma survivor (2014) and author of Cancer Survivorship Coping Tools–We'll Get You Through This. She is a cancer coping advocate, speaker and published writer for television, radio and other venues across the country. She lives, survives, and thrives in Minnesota with her husband, children and dog. See more at www.cancersurvivorshipcopingtools.com or www.clutterclearingchoices.com.

How am I supposed to cope with losing two body parts that I have had since age 12? Of course I am talking about my breasts! There is no instruction manual to cope with a double mastectomy. I am not a previvor. I am already a breast cancer survivor - a survivor who recently learned she has the PALB2 genetic abnormality. I am making a difficult decision that all my doctors support. Just because it is ultimately my choice to improve my odds of survival, it has not made this major decision any easier.

I am sad and worried and even slightly hopeful all at once. When I look down at my breasts and touch them, I cringe. What will they be like after surgery? Will the pathology reports come back negative? How will I feel in this forever-changed body? Will I be less stressed with a lower chance of future breast cancer? Am I being selfish that my appearance matters to me? Will my surgeries go well, or will I be sent back to the drawing board? Am I being vain that I want my body to someday be "normal" again?

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