Tears in Her Eyes Puzzled Me: Coping With Other People's Reactions

Breast cancer survivor facing her double mastectomy strugles with tears and hugs.

BY Barbara Tako

PUBLISHED April 08, 2018

Barbara Tako is a breast cancer survivor (2010), melanoma survivor (2014) and author of Cancer Survivorship Coping Tools–We'll Get You Through This. She is a cancer coping advocate, speaker and published writer for television, radio and other venues across the country. She lives, survives, and thrives in Minnesota with her husband, children and dog. See more at www.cancersurvivorshipcopingtools.com, or www.clutterclearingchoices.com.

Sometimes dealing with others' caring thoughts is difficult for cancer survivors – at least it sometimes is for me. There are four moments I want to share:

1.We were sitting with our friends having a drink. My upcoming double mastectomy came up and all of a sudden, I saw the tears in her eyes.

I think I asked her why and I think she said she was thinking about what I had been through and would be going through. I was so shocked I am not even sure how the conversation actually went. I found myself assuring her that all would be well and trying to brush it off.

2. A storeowner asked me what books I had written. When I mentioned the cancer coping book, she felt the need to come around the counter and give me a huge hug for being a survivor. Again, I felt the need to minimize all of it and I changed the topic.

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