Being 'Completely Normal' After Cancer

Having cancer can change the word "normal" forever.

BY RYAN HAMNER

PUBLISHED JULY 23, 2018

Ryan Hamner is a four-time survivor of Hodgkin lymphoma, a musician and a writer. In 2011, he wrote and recorded, "Where Hope Lives" for the American Cancer Society and the song for survivors, "Survivors Survive" used in 2015 for #WorldCancerDay. Currently, he operates his website for those affected by cancer, 2surviveonline.com and drinks a ridiculous amount of coffee per day.

"It has been years ago," I tell myself sometimes – 20 years to be exact – since I had cancer for the fourth and final time. So, what the heck is wrong with me now? Good question. I can't always put my finger on it, mentally anyway. But somehow, I believe that the constant stops and starts, the disappointed pauses in my life, as a result of cancer and everything that comes with it, has permanently changed my sense of "normal" and the contentment that can come with it.

In 2012, I started a corporate job. I was excited, ready to get to work. It was a great job, a fresh start. However, eight months into the job, I ended up in ICU from the side effects of treatment years ago – more than 20 years ago, actually. After being in the hospital for three weeks, and then recovering at home for a few more, I returned to work. Things were "back to normal," right? Well no, because that same year, more residual impacts of cancer treatment hit me. Again, shaking the fragile foundation of any normalcy, I was hoping to build.

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