Tired of the Cancer Conversation

I haven’t written about cancer for about three months. That’s a long time for me.

BY HEATHER MILLAR

PUBLISHED SEPTEMBER 24, 2018

San Francisco-based Heather Millar is a breast cancer survivor. A journalist for more than 25 years, she has covered health care and science for many national magazines and websites.

I haven’t written about cancer for about three months. That’s a long time for me. I’m a journalist, and I’ve been writing regularly about the disease since I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010.

But suddenly, in late June of this year, I just felt tired of the whole cancer rigmarole. Eight years out from diagnosis, and I felt tired to my bones. Exhausted. Ready to quit.

Don’t get me wrong: I’ve been NED for years. As far as I know, I’m healthy. But I still participate in cancer groups, read cancer support group mailing lists, subscribe to a “cancer patient” Google alert. I still feel a sharp intake of breath when I learn that an acquaintance has a new diagnosis, or a recurrence.

Do you ever feel sick to death of cancer? Do you just want to go back to that time before a doctor said, “I’m afraid the biopsy shows you have cancer.”? Do you find yourself sick to death of the worry, the uncertainty? Are you tired of people looking at you funny because you have a scarf on your head? Or are you just bored with trying to figure out how to tell people you’ve had cancer without it turning into a huge conversation where you have to reassure the person who doesn’t have cancer? Are you done with side effects? Weight gain? Neuropathy? Sexual dysfunction? Are you over work insecurity, wondering whether to tell your boss or your co-workers?

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