Would would happen if I turned my back to the past and faced forward? It is time to stop wishing I could go back to my pre-cancer life. It's time to face forward.
BY Dana Stewart
PUBLISHED November 01, 2018
Dana Stewart was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010 at the age of 32. She is the co-founder of a cancer survivorship organization called The Dragonfly Angel Society. She volunteers as an advocate and mentor, focusing on young adults surviving cancer. She enjoys writing about life as a cancer survivor, as well as connecting survivors to the resources, inspirations and stories that have helped her continue to live her best life, available at www.dragonflyangelsociety.com.
I have gotten quite good at living in the past. Ever since my breast cancer diagnosis eight years ago, I have made cancer my constant companion. Sure, the diagnosis was a long time ago. Sure, the doctors have told me all my treatment is done and I can go on with my life. The problem is I want the life I left behind. When everyone tells me that I should go on with my life, I don't know what that means. To me, my life is back a little over eight years ago, before I was told I had cancer. That's the life I want to go on with. I want to pick it up and be just like I was.
This whole thought process is where the "new normal" after cancer is supposed to take the spot light. It's supposed to guide us forward and show us how to get on with our changed lives. The problem for me is that I couldn't accept it. I didn't like the new normal. I didn't like what it stood for. I am very goal-oriented. When I was diagnosed, I put together a plan with my medical team of everything that had to be done and the timing for all the treatment. I marked off the days until my goal would become a reality. That day was my last day of chemo treatment. My surgeries were done. My chemo was done. That was the day I could run back to my pre-cancer self, give her a big hug and feel the elation of being reunited.
This whole thought process is where the "new normal" after cancer is supposed to take the spot light. It's supposed to guide us forward and show us how to get on with our changed lives. The problem for me is that I couldn't accept it. I didn't like the new normal. I didn't like what it stood for. I am very goal-oriented. When I was diagnosed, I put together a plan with my medical team of everything that had to be done and the timing for all the treatment. I marked off the days until my goal would become a reality. That day was my last day of chemo treatment. My surgeries were done. My chemo was done. That was the day I could run back to my pre-cancer self, give her a big hug and feel the elation of being reunited.
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