I had no idea learning to sit with people in their pain would help me learn how to deal with my own.
PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 05, 2019
Doris Cardwell received a life-changing diagnosis of inflammatory breast cancer in 2007. While undergoing treatment, she co-founded a mentor program for the cancer center treating her. She also created community events to educate, encourage and empower people regarding cancer. Doris was the first Survivorship Community Outreach Liaison for her local cancer center. She is an advocate, educator and encourager on issues facing cancer survivors. Doris is a wife, mother, empty nester, survivor of life and lover of all things coffee. An avid speaker and blogger, she is available at www.justdoris.com.
I remember the first time I walked into the hospital room of a fellow survivor. I didn't know her very well at all. We received treatment at the same facility and were both part of the same group. She was going through a difficult time and I went to see her on behalf of one of the other group leaders. As this was uncharted territory for me, I felt apprehensive as I opened the door. I didn't realize this would be the first of many visits to many patients in the coming years.
As I popped my head in the room, I asked her how she was. I introduced myself to her husband and explained how we knew each other through the group. Then it came— the awkward silence. What to say? What to do? Hmmm…
There she lay, and there her husband sat as I stood. I found myself leaning and shifting my weight from one foot to the other. Then it happened— the thing that I will never forget. She reached her hand towards mine. I am not a “toucher” or a “hugger” for the most part. Yet, here was this woman, moving her hand on the bed towards mine, wanting me to hold her hand. I felt as though I was facing a battle inside my head at that moment. I was so uncomfortable with the thought of holding her hand. It was then I remembered. I considered. I thought about how many times people had said and done the wrong thing. In that light, holding her hand seemed easier than talking.
As I popped my head in the room, I asked her how she was. I introduced myself to her husband and explained how we knew each other through the group. Then it came— the awkward silence. What to say? What to do? Hmmm…
There she lay, and there her husband sat as I stood. I found myself leaning and shifting my weight from one foot to the other. Then it happened— the thing that I will never forget. She reached her hand towards mine. I am not a “toucher” or a “hugger” for the most part. Yet, here was this woman, moving her hand on the bed towards mine, wanting me to hold her hand. I felt as though I was facing a battle inside my head at that moment. I was so uncomfortable with the thought of holding her hand. It was then I remembered. I considered. I thought about how many times people had said and done the wrong thing. In that light, holding her hand seemed easier than talking.
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